17 October 2011

The Dark Lord Goes Off-Topic

A post neither about words nor images, more a sort of confession.

Most people probably don't know I lead a double life. Actually, most people don't know I exist, but that's not the point. The point is, of the people who know me, the majority of them have no inkling of my alter ego existence.

As it happens, I am known in some circles as The Dark Lord of the Caspian ("Dark Lord" or "D-LOC" for short). Just why I carry this dread title is, again, not the point. All you need to know is that with it come AWESOME POWERS. We're talking global reach, here.

I probably shouldn't let on, but I'm starting to feel a little guilty. Let me use this pulpit to offer a blanket apology to those I've inconvenienced (or worse).*

Here's the thing. From time to time, I convene working group meetings of colleagues from far-flung locations. I pick a venue, and then we all head there to strategaze about work stuff. Well, when the D-LOC begins assigning dates with specific locations, bad things can happen for the rest of you. I really need to stop toying with the space-time continuum, because here's what can happen:

  • I came to the Washington area in early Feb 2010, a month that might resonate with winter-phobic readers. (Hint: Google "snowmageddon" or click here.)
  • During the spring of 2010, Iceland went "boom" a little bit, to the tune of Eyjafjallajokull, whose name confused journalists the world over and whose ash plumes shut down Europe the weekend we prepared to head to Naples.
  • Early in 2011 I had planned to convoke a grand cabal in Bahrain; we know how that turned out.
  • Barely a month or so later, I almost brought the US government to its knees; I was this close to shutting the government down... Thankfully, I relaxed my grip and Congress came to its senses, acted maturely and deliberately to plan out a far-seeing budget, and joined hands across the aisle to govern the nation wisely. Oh, wait...

(About the recent earthquakes, flooding, forest fires, and hurricanes that have bedeviled the U.S. this past summer, I must disclaim that I had no active part in that. I cannot, however, rule out the possibility that I might have dreamed about having conferences in those specific space-times while asleep. If so, my sincerest apologies.)


I wanted to give the friendlies a sort of heads-up that I might be about to flex again. I've scheduled another meeting in Washington next month, round about the time the US Gov't is scheduled to run out of money again. If you have somewhere else you can be mid-November, you might want to think about it.

The Dark Lord of the Caspian


* Please note, I'm not being political and am not being flippant — or at least not too flippant, I hope — about the genuinely disastrous effects of these world events. I have nothing but concern and sympathy for those affected.


  1. Is that not a crumbled ancient empire under your feet in this photo, oh great lord?

  2. Could you reschedule your trip to a little closer to Christmas? I mean, if I'm not going to be allowed to go to work, make it a time that I want to be home anyway! Just sayin... They're always running out of money, so it should work. Maybe.

  3. I really should have copyrighted that photo!